Lately I've been having issues with this whole blogging thing, I mean, most of you know that I toss around the idea of scrapping the whole project entirely pretty regularly, but this is a somewhat seperate matter. Ultimately, I use blogging as a sort of release similar to journaling, which I've done since I was a kid (still have all of them too, now that is an amusing, embarrasing display). The problem is, I censor myself fairly regularly on this thing. I can't be sure who is reading and who is not. There is no telling who might stumble on my site and realize that they know me and the people I am talking about.
I mean, if I were to say: Last night I went out to Old Town and got completely hammered, then took five of my close friends home for an orgy, after which I ruthlessly kicked them all out on the street at 5 am... well some people may not approve. Although my mother really has no idea even what a blog is, I have a certian amount of paranoia that she will someday stumble across my writing. And since I am not one of the many anonymous bloggers out there (KTC has been a nickname for years and anyone who knows me knows that) I would certainly be screwed.
Also, I know that I have a few loyal readers out there, but there are also a few lurkers, and who can know who they are?? Someone who stumbled upon the blog but knows who I am? Flocks of ex boyfriends that I might want to bitch about? A professor who my good grades rely on? I know, I think about this too much. I shouldn't care, I should be able to say exactly what I am feeling, but I can't. My fingers just won't push the buttons.
And wouldn't the blog be a lot more interesting for you if I could just say what I want to say rather than the normal, "dang I am so busy with school and I just am drowning"? By faithfully reading my ramblings, you should be rewarded by a good juicy story every once in awhile. Also, I probably owe it to myself to disclose my life events honestly. Where is the personal release when I write about shit that doesn't even mean anything? I feel as though I should bust through my self censorship and go all out. I'll work on it.
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3 comments:
Holy Shit... you read my mind. I had such a bizarre and twisted weekend, and all I want to do is write about it, but I can't because of my readers that know the parties involved. *sigh*
I have not decided what I want to do either... scrap the blog, or keep going with it. And I totally share your fear that my computer illiterate mother will stumble across mine too. hehe
I'll keep it up if you do ;)
Deal... I'll continue. I think I'm going to start being creative indirectly referencing people/places/things in my posts. I want it to still be journal-like, but not offend anyone... ya know?
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